Once
again, for the umpteenth time, I’ve been obsessing about the notion of
‘community’ and whether or not community – coming together as one -- ever
exists in human societies, except as an ideal. Maybe now and then, briefly, in
experiences of celebration or mourning, but day to day? Even in groups of
like-minded individuals, it seems, those individuals are constantly testing one
another to answer the question, Are you really ‘one of us’?
Once
again, I’m feeling there is nowhere I truly belong. This morning, in fact, I
woke up with a French song in my head, a song by Alain Souchon expressing
modern alienation so beautifully that if you didn’t know French you would never
know it for a sad song. And I would keep these negative feelings to myself,
except that I’m pretty sure a lot of other people feel the same way.
Where
do my
feelings come from this time? I can tell you. Lately I’ve been saddened,
in exchanges with people I know would be ashamed to exclude or stigmatize
others on the basis of skin color or religion or ethnic background, to find
that they have no problem excluding or stigmatizing on the basis of gender or
association. A liberal mind, whether possessed by man or woman, recoils at male
dismissal of “women writers,” and yet a woman writer friend of mine says she
has no use whatsoever for anything written by a “dead white male.” Anything? I am stunned and
speechless. This friend is willing to read books by living white males, but
another rules out all men, white or otherwise.
Then
there is Facebook, sometimes fun, sometimes torment. In the past few days, it
has been the latter.
Imagine
yourself a famous person. Wherever you go, people want pictures of themselves
with you. Imagine yourself with friends in Hollywood. You go to parties and
have your picture taken with others there. Imagine yourself running for high
political office, with supporters contributing to your political campaign. Do
you vett each contributor? Refuse contributions unless a contributor’s values,
personal and political, align completely with yours? How can you know?
Well,
well now! Isn’t this wonderful? We have found a way to discredit individuals we
could not sufficiently condemn any other way: guilt by association!
Somehow
for most of my life I had missed a saying that has recently grown to have
enormous meaning for me: “Perfection is the enemy of the good.” All through
last year’s campaign cycle, one dear friend posted one link or comment after
another showering Democratic candidates and office-holders with scorn for their
failings. I know
this person did not support or vote for the current administration in
Washington. But wait! Is that correct? I say “did not support,” but he could
hardly have worked harder against the Democratic ticket had he been wearing an
elephant costume.
I’ve
never been a loyalist of any party and would never claim any candidate or office-holder beyond
criticism. No human being is perfect, after all -- and that's exactly my point. No politician will say
precisely what I would wish or do exactly as I would hope. Sometimes we will
disagree on certain ends, other times on means, and often compromise will be
necessary to get anything done at all. I did not understand this at age 18, but
I understand it now. I don’t expect perfection, either from friends or from politicians.
But
that doesn’t mean anything goes or that there are no standards. There are better and worse choices. Bad-mouth the better at
every opportunity, and you give ammunition to the much worse. Throw away the
better because it isn’t perfect, and you pave the way for enthroning
the much worse.
If the views of my friends can be attributed to me by
association, then am I too guilty of hating male writers and condemning
imperfect liberal politicians? Does that make any sense whatsoever? And where, then, would you find a single not-guilty person in the world?
Is
there an alternative? Should I un-friend everyone who disagrees with me on
anything important? Cut off dialogue? What a dilemma!
The
dilemma is wrenching. On the one hand, liberals are urged, and even urge one
another, to listen to those with different views and values, however violently
opposed to their own. On the other hand, it seems that the closer those liberal
values align to anyone in politics, the more we are urged, by the same people
urging listening to the opposition, to condemn any politician who falls short
of heroic perfection.
The
hell with it! Life is too damn short to spend it wallowing in negativity, and I
found a way to cheer myself up today. BeauSoleil, the Cajun band, is coming to
the Dennos Museum Center, and I’ll be there in the front row, lettin’ the good
times roll!
People
come together in music like nowhere else.
P.S. 10/13/2017 - You think I was pissed off and sarcastic? Read what Rebecca Solnit has to say. Man, she is the greatest!
